Like millions of others, I was scrolling through Facebook earlier today, and saw a post someone had put up - a joke - told as though it had actually happened to them, but it’s a very old joke: a man gets hired as a clerk in a store, and, on the first day, is confronted with a very ugly and cranky woman with two children. He tries to compliment her on her children, saying, “Are they twins?” When she snaps that they’re obviously different ages, why would he think they’re twins - he replies “Well I just couldn’t believe anyone would sleep with you twice…” and he gets fired.
Every time I’ve heard it, the joke has made me uncomfortable, but it also makes me think of a different, and true, story. When my parents were young, and my mother gave birth to one of my older siblings, they were in a hospital room, admiring their new child, when a nun (it was a Catholic hospital) came into the room, and asked if the child was theirs. When they said of course, why would she ask, she replied, “Well, I just couldn’t believe the two of you could have such a beautiful child.” (My parents weren’t always in well with those in the Church). My father, without losing a beat, quipped to the nun, “Well, Sister, we didn’t do it with our faces!”
The two stories are similar, but there is an essential difference. In the first one, the person who is not attractive is target, is the object of ridicule, is unredeemed. In the second, the power comes
In a piece of writing, humor can serve many purposes - like the “comic relief” on stage or in the movies, it can give the reader space to catch breath during intense or dark stories, or the humor itself can make a point, or it can reveal much about a character in the way she/he uses humor or reacts to it. But, as with any element of a piece of fiction, each element must serve the essential purpose of connecting the reader to the story. So, then, the question becomes - how do we want the reader to be connected? Do we want the reader to identify with the snarky clerk who gains cultural capital by insulting an unattractive person, or do we want the reader to connect to the person who, once insulted, still claims their own power?
It is a question which, when creating a story, writers should consider with care - what purpose does this humor serve, and how do I expect that the reader will connect with it? If my reader identifies with this joke, what does the reader then bring back to the story as they continue reading?
This is not to say that we can’t have a character make a cruel joke at the expense of someone else in the story - doing so can effectively serve to reveal the dark side of a character, but my point is that we must be careful in how we present that - be sure that the reader will see it as revealing character rather than bringing that negative frame to the rest of the story.
Writing humor well is one of the most difficult challenges in writing. But it is also potentially the most powerful element you can bring to a story. What do you want the reader to take from this should always be a question in the mind of the writer. Careless insertion of humor can damage a story as much as - perhaps more than - taking the cheap shot can damage your image in the eyes of your friends. Be careful with it.
Have fun, bring laughter and relief to your stories, but, at the same time, in editing and revising, consider the humor element as seriously as every element of the story - perhaps even more so.
